Drew Magary's posts - Japanese uPOST

The Hater’s Guide To The 2019 Oscars

I remember I used to have a hard time waiting for the Oscars to arrive. I shit you not. I would get super jazzed for them, then roll my eyes at the prospect of having to wait for months between the end of the movie year and the stupid ceremony. I, uh, no longer feel this way. The Oscars come around now and I, along…

Let Football
Players Wear The Glue Gloves Let Football Players Wear The Glue Gloves

Today, we’re talking about birth plans, diarrhea, weird doctors, and more.

Is Papa John A Sincere Kentucky Fan? Is Papa John A Sincere Kentucky Fan?

So Bob Costas spoke openly to Mark Fainaru-Wada and ESPN—to his eventual regret, he says—about being gradually phased out at NBC after his bosses chafed at him accurately claiming that the sport of football destroys brains. You can easily read the story and see that Costas was right to speak openly against the sport,…

Should High Schools
Teach Sports History? Should High Schools Teach Sports History?

Today, we’re talking about poop, backspacing, Bob Ross, soft-boiled eggs, and more.

Look At This Fucking Soft-Ass Pud Look At This Fucking Soft-Ass Pud

Behold Donald Trump Jr., failed son of a failed son.

The Future Of
Football Is A Lie The Future Of Football Is A Lie

Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here.

Oh God, What If The Patriots Win A SEVENTH Title?! Oh God, What If The Patriots Win A SEVENTH Title?!

Today, we’re talking about the Super Bowl, stoner girlfriends, the NBA, and more.

The Worst People Win Again The Worst People Win Again

All the terrible people are happy today. Robert Kraft is happy, and presumably has a low arm wrapped around an auto show model, because another ring only further burnishes his title of King Of All Owners. Tom Brady is happy because he gets to frame himself as an underdog who overcame impossible odds despite being a…

Please Stop Praising The Idiot Football Men For Dressing
Poorly In Cold Weather Please Stop Praising The Idiot Football Men For Dressing Poorly In Cold Weather

As you might have heard, it’s cold outside in large portions of the country today. It’s so cold that (PSA: there is no punchline forthcoming) the National Weather Service has warned citizens of Chicago that frostbite can set in after just five minutes of exposure to such extreme temperatures. Has this deadly frost…

Monday Night Football Needs To Get Over Itself

Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here.

The Constitution Is
Garbage The Constitution Is Garbage

Today, we’re talking about doors, gym TVs, pull-ups, broadcaster fights, and more.

Grinch Burns, Ranked Grinch Burns, Ranked

1. Your soul is an appalling dump heap, overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable, mangled up in tangled-up knots.

On Paying Your Dues On Paying Your Dues

Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here.

Down With Big
Scooter Down With Big Scooter

Today, we’re talking about Chewbacca pooping, Trump, dinosaur fights, sneezing, and more.

Please God Bring Back Vine For Sports

Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here.

Huffy, Dopey Cy Young Voter Hangs Up On Incredibly Chill Old Radio Host Huffy, Dopey Cy Young Voter Hangs Up On Incredibly Chill Old Radio Host

I learned something really interesting today, which is that Steve Somers is still alive. You people out there probably know New York’s flagship sports talk radio station WFAN mainly because of comic book hater and sugar-free mafia cosplayer Mike Francesa. Ah, but when I was growing up, there was an entire ecosystem of…

Candy Versus Booze: Who Ya Got?! Candy Versus Booze: Who Ya Got?!

Today, we’re talking about woke Axl Rose, salt, rich assholes who exercise a lot, and more.

Cook For Yourself  Cook For Yourself 

My wife was out for a girls’ night and I was home alone with my three rowdy kids. To my enormous shame, I have yet to get my two younger kids to eat the same shit that my wife and I eat every night. I cook a regular meal, and then my boys eat chicken nuggets or cheese toast or some other garbage. Without a responsible…

I Forgot How Much It Rules To Watch Football At A Bar I Forgot How Much It Rules To Watch Football At A Bar

Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here.

Don’t Force Your
Sports Fandom Onto Other People’s Kids, You Asshole Don’t Force Your Sports Fandom Onto Other People’s Kids, You Asshole

Today, we’re talking about French fries, cocaine, college football, and more.

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