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Dutch Speed Skaters Apologize For Jubilantly Tossing Giant Replica Medal At Fans Dutch Speed Skaters Apologize For Jubilantly Tossing Giant Replica Medal At Fans

The Holland House is the place to be for the Pyeongchang Olympics if you’re Dutch. It has concerts, drunken revelry, appearances by medal-winning Dutch athletes, and possible minor head injuries. Speedskating quartet Sven Kramer, Jan Blokhuijsen, Patrick Roest, and Koen Verweij attended a party at the house last night…

There Should Be More Winter Olympic Sports There Should Be More Winter Olympic Sports

The Summer Olympics and Winter Olympics each span 17 days. The Summer Olympics has 43 different sports. The Winter Olympics has 15 different sports. This is a problem. I want to be positively bukkaked by hot sports action during any given Olympiad, and there aren’t nearly enough winter events to do the job right now.…

America's Lamoureux Twins Take Down The Canadian Hockey Dynasty America's Lamoureux Twins Take Down The Canadian Hockey Dynasty

In the third straight edition of USA vs. Canada in the women’s Olympic hockey gold medal game, the Americans flipped the script. Team USA rode a Jocelyne Lamoureux winner in a six-frame shootout to break a dramatic 80-minute 2-2 deadlock and earn a gold medal for the first time since 1998. Shootouts suck, but the…

Elizabeth Swaney's Dad Is Proud Of Her  Elizabeth Swaney's Dad Is Proud Of Her 

Through hard work and a series of gaping loopholes, Elizabeth Swaney managed to qualify for the Hungarian Olympic ski team despite having little skiing ability. When she coasted down the half pipe earlier this week and did no tricks, confused people everywhere hailed her as either the grifter of all grifters, or as…

Olympic Ski Racer Taken Away On Stretcher After Nasty Crash Olympic Ski Racer Taken Away On Stretcher After Nasty Crash

Canadian ski cross racer Chris Del Bosco fought gravity and lost during a qualifying heat, losing control at the worst moment and catapulting some 30 feet down the course and landing hard on his right side.

This Is A Truly Dreadful Curling Shot This Is A Truly Dreadful Curling Shot

It does not take a curling genius (or, barring that, just a regular old Canadian citizen) to figure out that Japanese skip Yusuke Morozumi really boinked this one against Denmark.

Bode Miller Is The Worst Sports Commentator Who Ever Lived Bode Miller Is The Worst Sports Commentator Who Ever Lived

Here is my impression of Bode Miller, alpine skiing analyst for NBC’s Winter Olympics coverage, watching Neil Armstrong take humankind’s first step onto the surface of the Moon:

Czech Republic's Shootout Win Sends The U.S. Men Home

A shootout win by the Czech Republic broke a 2-2 tie in the men’s hockey quarterfinals and knocked Team USA out of the Olympics. Goaltender Pavel Francouz was the hero, stopping all five U.S. attempts, while Petr Koukal got the lone shootout goal against American goalie Ryan Zapolski.

Lindsey Vonn In Tearful Post-Race Interview: "I Wish I Could Keep Going...My Body Probably Can't Take Another Four Years"

Lindsey Vonn claimed bronze in what we’ll assume is her final time contesting the Olympic downhill, and spoke with NBC about her comeback after missing Sochi and how she’ll look back on her career. It’s intense, at times, as Vonn confronts the probable end of her career.

For Deep Insight Into The True Nature Of The Virtue-Moir Relationship, Watch Them Be Forced To Watch A Montage Of Their Life Together For Deep Insight Into The True Nature Of The Virtue-Moir Relationship, Watch Them Be Forced To Watch A Montage Of Their Life Together

Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir, the greatest ice dancers of all-time, spent the Olympics erotically wiggling together on the ice and winning the gold medal with a world-record score before denying that any sort of fucking was going on. There’s a certain, um, electricity to their interactions, even if they nixed the face…

Elizabeth Swaney's Multi-Sport Journey To Pyeongchang Elizabeth Swaney's Multi-Sport Journey To Pyeongchang

Hungarian (sort-of) skier Elizabeth Swaney is now infamous around the world, after her big turn at the Olympics involved her just sort of sliding down the ski halfpipe and getting a cumulative three feet or so of air. She finished dead last of the 24 competitors by a comfortable margin, but that doesn’t really matter,…

Elise Christie's Olympics Were Another Nightmare Elise Christie's Olympics Were Another Nightmare

Last week, British short track speed skater Elise Christie crashed out of the 500m race and finished fourth in an event she holds the world record, adding another disappointing finish to an Olympic career that’s been waylaid by an avalanche of bad luck. Christie was distraught after her fourth straight Olympic race…

Are Virtue And Moir Fucking Or What? Are Virtue And Moir Fucking Or What?

Last night, we all watched Canadian ice dancers Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir win gold by having simulated skate sex in front of god and NBC and everyone, and now we’re all pregnant, and I can’t believe what everyone is trying to tell me: that they’re not actually boning. Come the fuck on; I have eyes.

Tessa Virtue And Scott Moir Moulin Rouge-d Their Way To Another Olympic Gold Medal Tessa Virtue And Scott Moir Moulin Rouge-d Their Way To Another Olympic Gold Medal

Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir, the Canadian ice dance team that received positive grades of execution for a lift that can only be described as “face sitting on ice skates” won their second gold medal of these Olympics tonight and their third Olympic gold medal overall. They’re now the 2010 Olympic champions in the event…

Cassie Sharpe Wins Ski Halfpipe Gold After Defending Champ Maddie Bowman's Devastating Crash Cassie Sharpe Wins Ski Halfpipe Gold After Defending Champ Maddie Bowman's Devastating Crash

American Maddie Bowman will not repeat as ski halfpipe gold medalist after crashing on all three of her runs in tonight’s final round, the final time of which left the 2014 champion crumpled on the ground with a busted helmet.

The Winter Olympics Feature 2,951 Of The World’s Greatest Athletes, And Also This Woman The Winter Olympics Feature 2,951 Of The World’s Greatest Athletes, And Also This Woman

There’s a premise built into the structure of the Olympics that pretty much every single Olympian, even those far down the standings, are elite athletes at the top of their game performing at a level most fans could only dream of. Freestyle skier Elizabeth Swaney is an affront to this notion, and her, um, laconic run…

Ice Dancing Favorite After NSFW Wardrobe Malfunction: "It Was Pretty Distracting" Ice Dancing Favorite After NSFW Wardrobe Malfunction: "It Was Pretty Distracting"

The French ice dancing team of Gabriella Papadakis and Guillaume Cizeron is our pick to win the event in Pyeongchang, but an unfortunate wardrobe malfunction today threatened to sink those chances, if not for Papadakis’s steely determination.

How NBC Flubbed Its Coverage, Reported The Wrong Gold Medalist, Then Botched The Correction Of One Of The Most Stunning Upsets In Olympic History How NBC Flubbed Its Coverage, Reported The Wrong Gold Medalist, Then Botched The Correction Of One Of The Most Stunning Upsets In Olympic History

When Ester Ledecká crossed the finish line of this morning’s run of the women’s Super-G a hundredth of a second ahead of reigning gold medalist Anna Veith, the Czech couldn’t believe she’d beaten the Austrian champ. Ledecká, after all, is best known for her achievements in a completely different event: snowboarding,…

Erin Hamlin Is Done, But She Changed Luge In The U.S. Forever Erin Hamlin Is Done, But She Changed Luge In The U.S. Forever

Chris Mazdzer’s silver-medal performance was the signature achievement for USA Luge in Pyeongchang, but no event better exemplified the American effort in this strangest and fastest of sports than the team relay. The Americans have enviable depth in the men’s, women’s and doubles disciplines, with a team-wide balance…

U.S. Men's Hockey Team Thoroughly Dominated By Russia, 4-0 U.S. Men's Hockey Team Thoroughly Dominated By Russia, 4-0

The U.S. Men’s Olympic hockey team, haver of plenty of NHL-caliber talent, was shredded by the awesome Russian team, 4-0, in a preliminary round Group B match today.

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