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Argentina FA Puts Out World Cup Manual With Chapter On Picking Up Russian Women Argentina FA Puts Out World Cup Manual With Chapter On Picking Up Russian Women

The Argentine Football Association, the country’s governing body of soccer, held on Tuesday a course for players, coaches, executives, and reporters heading to Russia for next month’s World Cup. The course, taught by Russian language teacher, Eduardo Pennisi, included a manual, “Russian Language and Culture,” written…

Has Vladimir Putin Lost His Scoring Touch? Has Vladimir Putin Lost His Scoring Touch?

Nothing lasts forever, not even the reign of hockey star Vladimir Putin, known worldwide as one of the great goalscorers of our generation. Putin, who is also the president of Russia, has cleaned up in an annual “Legends of Hockey” game for years, and the scouting report on him is simple: the dude can fill it up. He’s …

Enormous, Real-Life Bear Oversees Kickoff Of Russian Soccer Match Enormous, Real-Life Bear Oversees Kickoff Of Russian Soccer Match

Mascots are a common sight at soccer matches. Traditionally, these take the form of cute little children who escort the players onto the pitch to start a match. Sometimes, as was the case before a game in Russia this weekend, the cute little children are swapped out in favor of a huge fucking bear:

Pavel Datsyuk Got Robbed In OT And His Superteam Is Out Of The KHL Playoffs Pavel Datsyuk Got Robbed In OT And His Superteam Is Out Of The KHL Playoffs

The two KHL teams that made up almost the entirety of Russia’s gold medal-winning Olympic roster ended their conference final battle with a Game 6 overtime classic. CSKA Moscow delivered the relative upset victory over the superteam SKA St. Petersburg in the 3-2 sudden death win.

Russian Soccer Fans Reportedly Chanted Monkey Noises At Black French Players Russian Soccer Fans Reportedly Chanted Monkey Noises At Black French Players

In yesterday’s friendly between France and Russia in St. Petersburg, Russian soccer fans reportedly continued their long and fervent tradition of being super racist to black players by chanting monkey noises at French players Paul Pogba and Ousmane Dembélé. The Associated Press reported that the abuse was “audible on…

Slightly Defective Museum Cat Clearly The Animal To Beat In Predicting The World Cup Slightly Defective Museum Cat Clearly The Animal To Beat In Predicting The World Cup

We are just 12 weeks away from some soccer games, but more importantly we are just 12 weeks away from a bunch of animals picking the winners of those soccer games. Following in the footsteps of Paul the octopus and Clam the psychic clam, a veritable menagerie of clairvoyant creatures are preparing to flex their…

A Wonderteen Is Tearing Up The KHL Playoffs, And He's Headed For Nashville Soon

Helsinki-based KHL team Jokerit wrapped up a fairly easy first-round series victory over HC Sochi tonight. They won in five games on the back of teen phenom Eeli Tolvanen, who scored five goals to add to his 19 that he got in 49 regular season games (not to mention his three in the Olympics).

Russian Athlete Who Wore “I Don’t Do Doping” Shirt Busted For Doping Russian Athlete Who Wore “I Don’t Do Doping” Shirt Busted For Doping

Nadezhda Sergeeva, the pilot for the Russian women’s bobsled team, has tested positive for a banned heart medication. The kicker to this story: Earlier this month, she showed off her “I Don’t Do Doping” sweatshirt.

Ways The IOC Has Dodged Doping Questions, Ranked Ways The IOC Has Dodged Doping Questions, Ranked

PYEONGCHANG, South Korea—The big story coming into Pyeongchang was the IOC’s sanctions against Russia for the widespread doping that had ex post facto compromised the Sochi and Rio games. Now, with the 2018 Olympics just past their midpoint, a Russian curler has been officially charged with doping and, understandably,…

Russian Curling Bronze Medalist Aleksandr Krushelnitckii Busted For Doping Russian Curling Bronze Medalist Aleksandr Krushelnitckii Busted For Doping

The Court of Arbitration for Sport says Russian curler Aleksandr Krushelnitckii, who with his wife Anastasia Bryzgalova claimed bronze in mixed doubles last week in Pyeongchang, is formally charged with doping after his B-sample tested positive for meldonium.

CSKA Moscow Fans Delay Match With Spectacular Flares CSKA Moscow Fans Delay Match With Spectacular Flares

Traveling Russian fans delayed the second half of CSKA Moscow’s Europa League draw against Red Star Belgrade thanks to a terrifying flare offensive. The Moscow faithful set off a fiery blaze during the break and the pyrotechnics created a spectacularly hellish effect, with a wall of flames lining the barrier that…

Sorry, But Russia Is Awesome: An Olympic Men's Hockey Preview Sorry, But Russia Is Awesome: An Olympic Men's Hockey Preview

The Olympics are when the greatest athletes from all over the world gather to compete in their respective sports. Except for men’s hockey this year.

More Than 40 Russian Athletes Lose Appeal, Will Not Compete In Pyeongchang More Than 40 Russian Athletes Lose Appeal, Will Not Compete In Pyeongchang

A group of 47 Russian athletes and coaches who challenged the International Olympic Committee’s decision to bar them from participating in this year’s games has been shut down by an appeals court.

28 Russian Athletes Get Their Olympic Doping Bans Overturned 28 Russian Athletes Get Their Olympic Doping Bans Overturned

With the Olympics a week away from kicking off in South Korea, a decision by the Court of Arbitration for Sport has thrown the entire matter of retribution against Russian doping into further disarray. Last year, the IOC issued lifetime bans to 43 Russian athletes from the Sochi Olympics for participating in a…

Dozens Of Russian Athletes Dodge Doping Tests By Calling Out Sick Dozens Of Russian Athletes Dodge Doping Tests By Calling Out Sick

Over the weekend, 36 Russian athletes withdrew from a track-and-field competition in Siberia at the last minute following the unexpected arrival of drug testers. Many of those who chose not to participate cited illness, but an investigation is already underway and even Dmitry Shlyakhtin, the President of Russia’s…

FIFA Medical Officer Fired While Investigating Russian Doping, Which Is Totally Just A Coincidence FIFA Medical Officer Fired While Investigating Russian Doping, Which Is Totally Just A Coincidence

Jiri Dvorak was once FIFA’s chief medical officer. For 22 years he worked for soccer’s governing body, and in that time he led programs that researched injuries, sought ways to prevent them, and investigated the use of performance enhancing drugs by players. Dvorak was fired without warning or explanation earlier this…

How Steven Seagal Became A Useful Puppet For Post-Soviet Dictators How Steven Seagal Became A Useful Puppet For Post-Soviet Dictators

On a crisp November morning in Moscow, Steven Seagal found himself within the walls of the Grand Kremlin Palace, seated across from Vladimir Putin, the most powerful man in the Russian Federation. Dressed in a blood-red kimono and black trousers—a throwback to his days as a martial artist—Seagal observed the Russian…

The Russian Olympic Sanctions Are A Hilarious Shitshow Of Hypocrisy

Earlier this week the IOC banned Russia from the 2018 Olympics, but only in symbolism. The athletes will still be able to compete, only they’ll essentially be private label athletes who represent the Olympic Ideal instead of the world’s No. 1 kleptocracy (with America fast closing in!). And while Russia’s ghoulishly…

Crazy Russian Lady Slaps Carles Puyol In Face With Big Ol' Dildo

Retired Barcelona legend Carles Puyol expected to fiddle around with an assortment of (plastic) balls when he participated in last week’s World Cup group draw in host country Russia. But what he could not have expected was being accosted by a lady telling him “I want to fuck you, I have so big dick,” before whipping…

IOC Bans Russia From The 2018 Winter Olympics For Absurdly Intricate Doping Scheme IOC Bans Russia From The 2018 Winter Olympics For Absurdly Intricate Doping Scheme

The International Olympic Committee announced today that it has banned Russia—but not all Russian athletes—from the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea, as an unprecedented punishment for systemic doping, including at the 2014 Games in Sochi.

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