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There Is No Evidence Whatsoever That ESPN Is Losing Subscribers Due To Its "Politics" There Is No Evidence Whatsoever That ESPN Is Losing Subscribers Due To Its "Politics"

The Wall Street Journal went deep on money problems in Bristol today in an article titled “How a Weakened ESPN Became Consumed by Politics.” The feature, like many others that have come before, presents as a fact that the Worldwide Leader is hemorrhaging subscribers due to a perceived shift to the left in its sports…

Report: Trump-Signed Alabama Football Caused White House Drama, And Now Nobody Knows Where It Is Report: Trump-Signed Alabama Football Caused White House Drama, And Now Nobody Knows Where It Is

In a performance that had many praising its avant-garde catchphrase stylings, President Trump welcomed the national champion Alabama Crimson Tide football team to the White House last month and proceeded to speak for approximately three hours about, I assume, how he’s actually glad he didn’t win the popular vote in…

Trump Forms Sports Council Featuring Bill Belichick, Lou Ferrigno, And Dr. Oz, For Some Reason Trump Forms Sports Council Featuring Bill Belichick, Lou Ferrigno, And Dr. Oz, For Some Reason

Sports genius Donald Trump has done the inevitable, again. This time, the big lad has put his close personal friend Bill Belichick on an official Presidential council. Shockingly, Belichick will not be in charge of any nuclear weaponry or an actual department of significance, which honestly would have made as much…

Report: Donald Trump Spent Quality Time Last Week Talking Football With Bill Belichick Report: Donald Trump Spent Quality Time Last Week Talking Football With Bill Belichick

In 1993, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen found time between Full House episodes to record an album called I Am the Cute One. Songs include “I Am a Kid,” “I Love to Scream,” and “No One Tells the President What to Do.” The last of those is a celebration of the truth of its title—the president can do whatever he wants, and…

Canadian Senator Gives Official Speech About How Americans Are Ruining Hockey Broadcasts Canadian Senator Gives Official Speech About How Americans Are Ruining Hockey Broadcasts

Canadian Senator David Adams Richards, a relative newbie in the upper house, took the time on Tuesday to give an official, on-the-record speech to his colleagues featuring a pretty spicy sports take: American announcers are ruining hockey.

You Can't Bully These Motherfuckers You Can't Bully These Motherfuckers

When I write that CNN politics writer Chris Cillizza is the rankest assbrain in the Western Hemisphere, I am not being nice to him. When I write that God clowned Chris Cillizza before he was born by making him Chris Cillizza instead of a shit-eating maggot, I am being unkind. When I say that Chris Cillizza himself is…

Annoyingly Coy Report: Eagles Owner Jeffrey Lurie Called Donald Trump's Presidency "Disastrous" Annoyingly Coy Report: Eagles Owner Jeffrey Lurie Called Donald Trump's Presidency "Disastrous"

Buried near the end of this New York Times article about the Super Bowl champion Philadelphia Eagles talking to the White House about planning a visit is a tidbit about team owner Jeffrey Lurie “using a vulgarity” to call Donald Trump’s presidency “disastrous.” That quote seems like it’d be more important than two…

The Atlantic Fires Opinion Writer For Opinions He Held When They Hired Him To Write His Opinions For The Atlantic The Atlantic Fires Opinion Writer For Opinions He Held When They Hired Him To Write His Opinions For The Atlantic

Does it qualify as a Milkshake Duck if they knew the duck was racist to begin with? What the hell has even happened here?

Windswept Honey Bun Boards Presidential Aircraft Windswept Honey Bun Boards Presidential Aircraft

President Donald Trump’s workday on Thursday included two actual things. That day officially began at 11 a.m., per his public schedule, when Trump received his daily intelligence briefing. There’s no telling how long this takes, as Trump famously likes his briefings short and colorful and chart-based; there is no…

The Cruel Bill Allowing MLB To Keep Screwing Over Minor-Leaguers Is Now Law The Cruel Bill Allowing MLB To Keep Screwing Over Minor-Leaguers Is Now Law

President Donald Trump signed the $1.3 trillion omnibus spending bill into law today, just hours after he threatened to veto it. That avoids a government shutdown and does a whole lot of other things, too, but the portion most directly relevant to professional sports is the Save America’s Pastime Act, which secures…

Terry Funk Scouts The Budding Brawl Between “Two Assholes” Trump And Biden Terry Funk Scouts The Budding Brawl Between “Two Assholes” Trump And Biden

So Donald Trump and Joe Biden are cutting promos again.

The New Tax Bill Could Unintentionally Force Sports Teams To Pay Taxes On Trades The New Tax Bill Could Unintentionally Force Sports Teams To Pay Taxes On Trades

A single word in the sweeping tax bill that House Republicans passed in December could lead to a host of unintended consequences for American pro sports teams when making trades, according to a report from Jim Tankersley in the New York Times.

Bucs And Manchester United Owner Ed Glazer Will Host A Big Trump Reelection Fundraiser Bucs And Manchester United Owner Ed Glazer Will Host A Big Trump Reelection Fundraiser

Ed Glazer, whose family owns the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Manchester United, will host an exclusive fundraiser for Donald Trump tonight at his house in Beverly Hills. The President’s schedule and plans in Southern California are shrouded in secrecy, but he’ll spend the evening at Glazer’s $22.7 million home trying to…

It's Bad To Waterboard People It's Bad To Waterboard People

This seems like it should be pretty self-explanatory.

Congressional Candidate Doesn't Want To Talk About The Time He Cheated To Win The NCAA Hockey Title Congressional Candidate Doesn't Want To Talk About The Time He Cheated To Win The NCAA Hockey Title

Pete Stauber is the Republican candidate in the upcoming election for Minnesota’s 8th Congressional District. His policy positions are pretty standard fare for a Republican: He voiced support for the rock-dumb tax bill and is pro-mining and anti-environmentalist to the point that he unironically wrote, “Even protest…

Jose Altuve's Day At The White House Looked Pretty Awkward Jose Altuve's Day At The White House Looked Pretty Awkward

The Houston Astros visited the White House today to be honored for their 2017 World Series win, which puts reasonable-minded players in a bit of a pickle. The traditional post-championship White House visit is a potentially once-in-a-lifetime honor. Having to tolerate Donald Trump in the flesh and be party to his…

Dwyane Wade Comforts Marjory Stoneman Douglas Students After Harrowing Visit By Betsy DeVos Dwyane Wade Comforts Marjory Stoneman Douglas Students After Harrowing Visit By Betsy DeVos

Today was Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School’s first full day of classes since the Feb. 14 shooting that left 17 people dead and many others wounded. Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos stopped by to meet with students, as did Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade. One of these visitors was more popular than the other.

President Trump Graciously Accepts Credit For Saving The Winter Olympics President Trump Graciously Accepts Credit For Saving The Winter Olympics

Those anxious weeks and months leading up to the Pyeongchang Olympics seem so long ago, now. With the games themselves just recently in the past, it’s easy to forget the questions that so defined those days. In bars and around water coolers, out loud to friends and family and in an echoing loop in our minds, America…

How Egypt's Strongman Is Turning Sports Into Propaganda How Egypt's Strongman Is Turning Sports Into Propaganda

Imagine, if you can, the USSF and new president Carlos Cordeiro, backed by a slew of MLS owners, calling a press conference and announcing their undying loyalty to Donald Trump, and urging all American soccer fans to vote Republican in the upcoming midterm elections. While the idea may seem fantastical, it is more or…

Look At This Stupid Baby Look At This Stupid Baby

Here we have President Diaper, a fussy young infant who rarely sleeps through the night uninterrupted—and is known to be quite a handful during the daytime as well!—forced to listen for an agonizing 58 seconds as the governor of Washington state explains why arming teachers is a bad idea.

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