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Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here.

The Deadcast Went To Chicago, Drank Malört, And Yelled About The Bears The Deadcast Went To Chicago, Drank Malört, And Yelled About The Bears

You hear it sometimes: you had to be there. Sometimes this is true, for instance with extreme weather events or certain live music performances. And in the case of this week’s Live Deadcast, which Megan, Drew, and I recorded in front of a roiling crowd of rowdies in Rex Grossman jerseys on Monday night at Chicago’s…

Ex-Bills WR: There’s Nothing To Do In Buffalo But Fuck Ex-Bills WR: There’s Nothing To Do In Buffalo But Fuck

Jordan Matthews signed with the Eagles today. The receiver, who was with Philadelphia for the first three seasons of his NFL career, was signed to boost the team’s depleted receiving corps. Matthews spent last season with the Bills—the Eagles had traded him and a draft pick for cornerback Ronald Darby—and today told…

Uber Driver Sues Jameis Winston Over Sexual Assault Uber Driver Sues Jameis Winston Over Sexual Assault

Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Jameis Winston is currently serving out the end of a three-game suspension set by the NFL for groping an Uber driver. The league’s investigation over the offseason concluded that Winston had “violated the Personal Conduct Policy by touching the driver in an inappropriate and sexual…

Michael Dickson Is As Cool As A Punter Can Be

The Seahawks tore it down this offseason, and now they’re 0-2, with a bad offensive line and a goddamn Schottenheimer for an offensive coordinator. But they have Michael Dickson as their punter, and that’s more fun than it may seem—and not just because Dickson knows how to drop kick.

Steelers Somehow Get More Dramatic After Antonio Brown Doesn't Show Up To Work Steelers Somehow Get More Dramatic After Antonio Brown Doesn't Show Up To Work

In addition to being winless and grouchy, Antonio Brown is absent. The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reports today that the Steelers receiver was nowhere to be found at the team’s facilities Monday. No wonder he had no media availability:

Letter From NFL Hall Of Famers Demands Health Insurance, But Only For Themselves Letter From NFL Hall Of Famers Demands Health Insurance, But Only For Themselves

In a letter sent Tuesday to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, NFL Players Association executive director DeMaurice Smith, and Pro Football Hall of Fame president C. David Baker, players who make up the Hall of Fame board are demanding health insurance and salaries for former NFL players now in the Hall of Fame.

Sunday Was Hell Day For Kickers Sunday Was Hell Day For Kickers

“Professional football placekicker” has to be a tough job. Either you make all your kicks and people think you’ve done what’s expected of you, or you miss one (or two! Or three or four!) and you get trashed and maybe fired.

Antonio Brown Is Winless And Grouchy Antonio Brown Is Winless And Grouchy

The Steelers don’t need Le’Veon Bell around to continue with the infighting and grumpiness; they’ve got that covered. The day after Pittsburgh was beaten 42-37 at home by Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs, a former Steelers flack said that Antonio Brown’s success was solely attributed to Ben Roethlisberger. The receiver…

Tavon Austin Embarrasses Giants Secondary For First Touchdown In Two Years Tavon Austin Embarrasses Giants Secondary For First Touchdown In Two Years

It didn’t take long for Tavon Austin and the Cowboys to show their true colors and disrespect the red, white and blue on national television, again. Dak “MAGA Seneca Wallace” Prescott got Dallas on the board early with a deep bomb to Austin, who’d burst right past New York’s defense in an absolute blaze of glory.

Ryan Fitzpatrick Is Stealing Jameis Winston's Job Ryan Fitzpatrick Is Stealing Jameis Winston's Job

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers improved to 2-0 on this young season by beating the defending champion Philadelphia Eagles 27-21 this afternoon. They won the game thanks in large part to backup quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick, who will be elevated to the Bucs’ Plan A if he keeps playing like this.

Jaguars WR Keelan Cole Snags An Absurd One-Handed Catch Against The Patriots Jaguars WR Keelan Cole Snags An Absurd One-Handed Catch Against The Patriots

The Odell Beckham Jr. catch remains at the top, since it resulted in a touchdown, but this one-handed snag by Jaguars receiver Keelan Cole from today’s game against the Patriots is outrageous.

A Bullshit Penalty Let The Vikings Tie The Packers [Update]

The NFL’s absolutely terrible and impossible new definition of roughing the passer—which prohibits defensive players from landing on quarterbacks with their body weight—came into play during today’s Vikings-Packers game and directly affected the outcome. In what eventually became a 29-29 tie (don’t ask, it was bad),…

Saints Become First Team To Beat Browns In 37 Weeks Saints Become First Team To Beat Browns In 37 Weeks

The New Orleans Saints snapped their winless streak that dated back over eight months, and ended the Browns’ lengthy undefeated stretch of 37 weeks, by taking down undefeated Cleveland this afternoon, 21-18.

Taiwan Jones Injured On Helmet-To-Head Hit Taiwan Jones Injured On Helmet-To-Head Hit

Taiwan Jones suffered a scary-looking injury in the third quarter of the Bills’ game against the Chargers today. He picked up a muffed punt, lost his helmet and took a helmet-to-head hit in his own end zone.

Damontae Kazee Ejected For Late Helmet-To-Helmet Hit On Cam Newton

A 10-yard fourth-down scramble from Cam Newton led to a brutal head-to-head collision and an ejection for Falcons safety Damontae Kazee in the second quarter of today’s Panthers-Falcons game. Newton slid down at the end of his run and took a straight-on helmet-to-helmet hit from the Falcons defender while already on…

Titans Run A Very Neat Fake Punt For 66-Yard TD Titans Run A Very Neat Fake Punt For 66-Yard TD

Two Tennessee Titans safeties—All-Pro Kevin Byard and fifth-round rookie Dane Cruikshank—combined to shock the Texans on their team’s opening drive, connecting on a 66-yard pass for the first fake punt touchdown of the season.

Aaron Rodgers's Knee Is All Messed Up, But He's Still Going To Play Aaron Rodgers's Knee Is All Messed Up, But He's Still Going To Play

Aaron Rodgers is officially active for the Packers’ game against the Vikings today, after a week of uncertainty due to a mysterious knee injury suffered in the second quarter of the season opener against the Bears.

Michael Bidwill Still Thinks High School Pal Brett Kavanaugh Should Be Confirmed To The Supreme Court Michael Bidwill Still Thinks High School Pal Brett Kavanaugh Should Be Confirmed To The Supreme Court

Arizona Cardinals President Michael Bidwill directly mixed politics with football—maybe he wouldn’t think so, but that’s what he did—in July, when he used the team’s website to support Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, his old high school classmate at Georgetown Prep. Although Kavanaugh, who is currently in the…

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