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MLB Network Falls For Joke Report That Trevor Bauer Is Treating Himself For "CIA Nanites" MLB Network Falls For Joke Report That Trevor Bauer Is Treating Himself For "CIA Nanites"

It’s possible to believe a lot of whacky stories about Trevor Bauer, who is both a big old dummy and also a too-online crank who once wanted to use a soldering iron to cauterize a finger wound. A report that Bauer wants to use alternative methods to treat the stress fracture in his right fibula would surprise exactly…

Soccer Fan Takes A Ball To The Dome And Handles It Like A Champ Soccer Fan Takes A Ball To The Dome And Handles It Like A Champ

I don’t know about you but if my unsuspected skull had just gotten blown the hell up by a flying soccer ball, I wouldn’t have reacted with half the poise and grace as this lady did:

What's The Dumbest Way You've Injured Yourself? What's The Dumbest Way You've Injured Yourself?

Inspired by this good tweet—

Joseph Fauria Admits He Didn't Hurt Himself Trying To Stop His Adorable, Tiny Dog From Peeing Joseph Fauria Admits He Didn't Hurt Himself Trying To Stop His Adorable, Tiny Dog From Peeing

Former Lions tight end Joseph Fauria, who in 2014 had the strangest excuse for a non-sports injury (non-baseball division) when he said he sprained his ankle while trying to stop his Pomsky from peeing in the house, has finally come clean. Lil’ Rufio was framed!

We Regret To Inform You That Yet Another Sixers Rookie Is Super Injured We Regret To Inform You That Yet Another Sixers Rookie Is Super Injured

The Philadelphia 76ers look like they’ll be one of two halfway decent teams in the Eastern Conference next year—and, like the Celtics, they are stocked with a whole bunch of young dudes who look like they’ll be able to keep the team good for a while. One such young dude is Zhaire Smith, for whom the Sixers traded…

And Now, James Franklin's Dark Purple Butt And Now, James Franklin's Dark Purple Butt

Penn State head coach James Franklin spoke at Penn State Media Day about, among other things, the experience of taking all his players paintballing for a recent team outing. This may not have been a great idea for a person whose job it is to push these competitive young men to endure exhaustion and discomfort every…

UFC Fighter Jared Gordon Shares Video Of Street Brawl That Left Him With Grisly Injury UFC Fighter Jared Gordon Shares Video Of Street Brawl That Left Him With Grisly Injury

UFC lightweight Jared Gordon lost his most recent bout in the cage in February, but as he revealed yesterday, he fought with a completely fucked-up left hand. Gordon told ESPN’s Ariel Helwani that he suffered a grisly hand injury, requiring 21 stitches, when he defended his friend in a wild street fight outside of a…

Andrew Luck Survived Throwing A Football, Quick Everyone Knock On Wood Andrew Luck Survived Throwing A Football, Quick Everyone Knock On Wood

The thrilling news out of Colts training camp this weekend was that quarterback Andrew Luck, whose throwing shoulder has been crabmeat for several hundred years now, completed three (3) days of practice without his arm falling off:

Old Man Wayne Rooney Suffers Dearly For That MLS Life

Wayne Rooney scored his first MLS goal Saturday night, in his fourth match with DC United. The goal came in the 33rd minute of United’s match at home against Colorado—after the ball sort of chaotically pinged around in the midfield, United triggered a quick attacking move and Rooney finished it off by going between…

Aaron Judge Fractured His Wrist But Stayed In Long Enough To Hit A Single

Aaron Judge got plunked by a fastball up and in on Thursday, suffering a “chip fracture” on his right wrist. He will be out a minimum of three weeks, according to the Yankees.

Daniel Poncedeleon Will Make His Major League Debut 14 Months After A Horrifying Injury Daniel Poncedeleon Will Make His Major League Debut 14 Months After A Horrifying Injury

Cardinals pitcher Daniel Poncedeleon will be called up by St. Louis today and start tonight’s game against the Reds, making his big-league debut little more than a year after an injury suffered on the mound put his career—and maybe his life—in jeopardy. “Talk about a comeback story,” new Cards manager Mike Shildt said…

If When You Do What Is Right And Suffer For It You Patiently Endure It, This Finds Favor With God; Tim Tebow Lands On Disabled List If When You Do What Is Right And Suffer For It You Patiently Endure It, This Finds Favor With God; Tim Tebow Lands On Disabled List

Future Mets savior—and possible capital-S Savior—Tim Tebow landed on the disabled list Saturday after suffering a hand injury earlier in the week. Per a WBNG report:

Oh God, I Hope This Freak Accident Doesn't Derail The Daniel Cormier-Stipe Miocic Superfight Oh God, I Hope This Freak Accident Doesn't Derail The Daniel Cormier-Stipe Miocic Superfight

Daniel Cormier and Stipe Miocic are going to fight this weekend! It will be the first clash between two active UFC champions in years! Fans have endured barren cards in places like Utica and Singapore while waiting for this genuine superfight! It should be great! Unless of course, uh, Daniel Cormier can’t fight…

The Results Of Taking A Fastball To The Nuts Are As Horrifying As You Can Imagine The Results Of Taking A Fastball To The Nuts Are As Horrifying As You Can Imagine

Welcome to Meat Sack, a guide to sports-related body horror. Today’s column is about Yadier Molina’s exploded nuts.

Angels Rookie Pitcher Jake Jewell Carried Off On Stretcher After Awful Ankle Injury Angels Rookie Pitcher Jake Jewell Carried Off On Stretcher After Awful Ankle Injury

Angels pitcher Jake Jewell, making only the third MLB appearance of his career, suffered a brutal injury on his right ankle Wednesday night while trying to slide into home for a play at the plate with Boston’s J.D. Martinez.

Cubs Reliever Brandon Morrow Says He Hurt Himself While Taking Off His Pants Cubs Reliever Brandon Morrow Says He Hurt Himself While Taking Off His Pants

The Cubs didn’t use closer Brandon Morrow in either of their games Tuesday against the Dodgers, instead relying on a bevy of other relievers. He would’ve been really helpful in the first game, which the Cubs lost 4-3 after Justin Wilson blew a 3-2 lead in the ninth. According to the team, the reason Morrow wasn’t…

World-Class Doofus Hunter Strickland Out For Two Months After Punching A Wall World-Class Doofus Hunter Strickland Out For Two Months After Punching A Wall

Giants reliever Hunter Strickland was very definitively Not Mad while exiting the eventual San Francisco loss last night. On his walk back to the dugout after blowing his team’s lead, Strickland exchanged words with Giant-killing Marlins outfielder Lewis Brinson after Brinson both tagged Strickland for a game-tying…

Javier Fortuna Falls Out Of Ring, Is Removed On Stretcher By Paramedics; Opponent Says "He Was Looking For An Excuse"

Dominican super lightweight Javier Fortuna left his bout in Texas tonight against Adrian Granados on a stretcher after tumbling out of the ring and appearing to hit his neck or head on something ringside. Curiously, (skeptical?) Showtime commentators immediately started speculating about rematch possibilities while…

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